And Then There Were Two: How I Fixed a Negative Coworker Relationship

LTAW February Theme is Loving My Work: We get up every morning to another day on the job. Do you jump out of bed saying YES, I can’t wait to get there or do you roll over, turn off the alarm for the third time and wish it was Saturday already. “I love my job, I hate, my job, I love my Job, I hate my job.” Inasmuch as February is the month of Love we are focusing on Getting to LOVE as it relates to your job.

From a personal standpoint, I’d like to think I’m not the only person who has ever fallen victim to first impressions. In reality, we’ve probably all had instances where we didn’t exactly get off on the right foot with someone – especially in the professional realm.

In 2007, a new employee joined the marketing and sales group I was then working for. Let’s call her “Angie.” Angie was a tough nut to crack. Having just come off a negative employment experience and into this new position with a much larger Fortune 500 company, she had everything to gain – but not a lot of confidence in herself. Angie was struggling in a few areas of her life, not the least of which was the way she looked at herself and judged herself. This affected her ability to reach out and interact with others. On the other hand, you have someone like me – who has pretty much never met a stranger.

At first, I was sure Angie and I would despise each other. At one point during one of our first ventures working on a project together, we got into a spat over creative differences. I felt like she was too negative about my suggestions, and she felt like I wasn’t clear enough in what we should do – and as the new employee, she needed me to be very clear so she could learn how things worked in this new and kind of intimidating office setting. Visibly irritated with one another, we took the rest of the day to cool off and started fresh the next morning over Starbucks that I brought in as peacemaking gesture. At that point, we both were able to be clear about our issues, concerns, and expectations.

Angie and I didn’t always see eye to eye on projects thereafter, but we eventually reached a point where we respected each other mutually and understood each others’ communication styles and background.

After six months, we could chat over coffee and a project we were working on and not feel totally uneasy. After a year, we could go to pick up lunch for the group and laugh over ridiculous things that went on in the office. After 18 months, we could go to bat for each other when a project got derailed by outside forces (even if we weren’t exactly in agreement). And after two years, we were what you would call real, full-on friends – imagine that?

Even though I don’t work there anymore, Angie and I are still great friends – much more than just ex-coworkers who overcame an initially awkward and difficult working relationship. While this especially happy outcome may not be the reality of all working relationships, there are plenty of things you can do to help repair and turn around an unpleasant working relationship.

• Put a positive spin on things. If you have a coworker who has a negative feeling about how things are going for them, be a beacon of hope in the fluorescent glare of the office light. You don’t have to be Mary Sunshine, or be fake about it – just try to help them see that things are going to be as enjoyable as they make them.
• Make peace. Your situation with a coworker could go beyond the awkward to the downright nasty. Let things settle after a battle – and then offer an olive branch in the form of a cup of coffee, covering their work if they need a day off, or just a sincere “I’m sorry.” It could go a long way.
• Keep your trap shut. Sounds crude, but if you want any hope of repairing a damaged coworker bond, you can’t go airing the dirty laundry to anyone else. If you have something to say, only say it to the cohort in question.
• Take interest in who they are. If you want to build a strong working relationship with someone you’re not currently connecting with, pay attention to the things that matter to them. Are they a parent of several kids? Do they play music in a band on the weekends? Do they love to garden, or are they workout fiends? These kinds of things will serve as a jumping off point for conversations that send the message: I see you as a person, not just as a worker bee.

Lovin’ my work!