I Love My Coworkers…I Hate My Coworkers

LTAW February Theme is Loving My Work: We get up every morning to another day on the job. Do you jump out of bed saying YES, I can’t wait to get there or do you roll over, turn off the alarm for the third time and wish it was Saturday already. “I love my job, I hate, my job, I love my Job, I hate my job.” Inasmuch as February is the month of Love we are focusing on Getting to LOVE as it relates to your job.

Do you remember that first glorious day of work at your job? The butterflies so reminiscent of the first day of school, shaking the hands of new coworkers, the smell of copier paper, the sounds of productivity and teamwork and idealism?

Oh, you don’t remember? What’s that you say? Oh! You can’t hear me over the squealing and whining of your annoying, unprofessional, childish coworkers? Well hopefully you can at least take some comfort in the fact that you are not alone. And to top that off, you can take this nasty situation and actually turn it into a positive for your image and your career – whether that annoying pest of a cube mate ever knocks it off or not.

Some workplace conflicts can even hedge into bullying or harassment territory. According to The New York Times, around sixty percent of workplace bullies are men who tend to bully both male and female employees to an equal extent. However, female workplace bullies are most likely to target other female employees. The Workplace Bullying Institute indicates that up to one-third of workers have been the victim of such targeting in the workplace. Some blame the bad economy and its effect on competitiveness in the workplace. Some blame increased pressure on women to keep up in a “man’s world.” Whatever the reason, these behaviors are difficult to deal with, and they can lead to a variety of negative effects in the worker’s life.

The first step to dealing with coworkers is to get over any fear of conflict or confrontation that may be pushing you to keep quiet in the face of real disruption and annoyance, even abuse or bullying. This isn’t to say that you need to roll into the office with a Schwarzenegger-level scowl plastered on your face and the emotional quality of a drill sergeant. But your coworkers can’t be receptive to anything until you put it out there. Be brief, keep it civil, and don’t be accusatory – but air real grievances in a calm, professional, and private manner. In the process of dealing with these issues, you never know what kind of common ground you might find with that coworker whom you were sure was a lost cause.

Other tips to use for handling coworkers that get on your last nerve:

• Use calming music keep your blood pressure in check. This is useful when it’s someone’s loud talking or personal telephone conversations that bother you. You can also ask them to simply knock it off, but if you’re not comfortable with that – or if you are, but they still don’t make changes to the behavior – you can easily procure some headphones and chill out to Dave Matthews Band (or whatever suits you). Just don’t blare your music sans headphones.
• Don’t take things too personally. It’s hard to do this when you’re spending eight or more hours per day with someone, but try to remember that they may be completely oblivious to what they’re doing.
• Be brief, be calm. When you’re discussing differences with someone, don’t pontificate. Be calm and concise with your issues, and don’t lay blame. This will keep both parties in a more neutral – and therefore, productive – position.
• Don’t give in to a screamer. I myself have personally dealt with a coworker who liked to yell at, cuss out, and verbally abuse those who didn’t see things his way. In the case of this guy, it was important not to “play ball” with him on that level, but to remain firm that I wouldn’t be talked to like that. Remain calm and level-headed, but do not interface with someone who is in your face. Tell the person you’ll speak when they’ve calmed down and stand your ground.
• Skip the water cooler chatter. You know if you do it – and you probably do – but gossip is not the way to deal with differences. Anything you say in a court of public opinion can and will be used against you. Better to keep it to yourself and appear the better man/woman.

Lovin’ my work!