Is it You or the Boss?

LTAW February Theme is Loving My Work: We get up every morning to another day on the job. Do you jump out of bed saying YES, I can’t wait to get there or do you roll over, turn off the alarm for the third time and wish it was Saturday already. “I love my job, I hate, my job, I love my Job, I hate my job.” Inasmuch as February is the month of Love we are focusing on Getting to LOVE as it relates to your job.

You go home every day rehashing the interaction with your boss. No matter how hard you try, the two of you just don’t seem to see eye to eye. He gives you a project, you think you get what he wants, but when you have the first check in meeting, you wonder if this is even same assignment. You are thinking to yourself, that is not how I understood what he wanted. He says he hasn’t changed direction but as you fast and furiously take notes you think, it’s new to me.

The disconnect happens over and over again, no matter how hard you think you are listening. It has gotten to the point where you can sense that he does not respect your work or your opinions, even though he never says it directly. And you have come the conclusion that he is just not a very good boss. He constantly changes directions and makes it seem like it is your fault. Like two weeks ago when you actually had a fairly intense conversation about the most effective approach to a situation. It was clear to you from what you had learned in business school that the ROI he calculated used the wrong assumptions. He was adamant that he was right.

So where is the love? It’s obviously not there and you are ready to call it quits. You want a transfer out to another department or you will leave the company.

Wait! Not so fast. Have you considered that maybe you are a part of the problem? It is so easy to not see our own contributions to a poor relationship with the boss. It is just human nature to want to shift the blame.

While I believe that there are bosses who are truly just bad and should not be in a leadership position (in fact a survey conducted by Adecco last year showed that 41% of employed Americans are not happy with who’s in charge) , I also believe in the notion of shared responsibility. There is likely something that you can change to enhance the relationship.

Consider the following steps:

1. Rather than assume one of you is right and one is wrong, look for the common ground. Where do you tend to agree? Think of those situations that have had a positive outcome. What were the key ingredients?
2. Examine your demographic and cultural differences.  Are you and your boss of different genders? There is a mountain of research that shows that women and men think differently; from the way we solve problems to how we form relationships. Men are more likely to use a linear approach to problem solving, and a more direct communication style. Women on the other hand are more apt to focus first on the relationship and secondly the task.  Are you from the same generation? Baby boomers are more likely to have experienced a hierarchical relationship with a boss whereas millenenials expect to have more input based on an assumption of a more equal relationship. Do you have different cultural backgrounds? People from the western part of the world tend to be more “I” focused in contrast to many Eastern cultures that are “we” focused. How power is expressed also differs culturally.  For some cultures you would not dream of contradicting the boss while for others it would be expected.
3. Discuss the differences described above. Gain more knowledge from expert sources about the differences that you have. Share with each other your preferred communication, problem solving and conflict resolution styles. Once your differences are out in the open in a non-judgmental way, you can begin to build the relationship based on mutual understanding and respect for your differences.
4. Agree to work in a mutually adaptive way.  You adjust some, your boss adjusts some and you might be amazed at the results.  After all you do share the same desire: achieve the business goals.

Lovin’ my work!